confession of a dangerous mind..

I'm thinking of writing something here.
Something serious about my past. Tapi kena cari kekuatan dan masa yang sesuai.
Something to do with my late brother.

When he's gone, i've felt some of my burden gone with him. Which is good. Very good.

The secret is about to reveal itself. Maybe it's time for me to come clean with my past. I'm thinking about telling mom about it, but maybe not now, maybe i should wait a little bit longer. I don't want to upset her with the revelation.

It will break her heart into thousand pieces. Plus.., it's her son. Her flesh and blood, my brother.

I have carried the burden all along the way. It's heavy, it's making me an alien, because i feel so sad and confused, it make me feel very low about myself.

And the sad thing is, it makes me the way I AM today. It's not good. NOT GOOD.

But then, if let say i tell mom, how will she react? Will she tell the rest of my siblings? What will happen then? Will the secret bring us more closer than before or it will tear us more apart?

Or, maybe i just let go all the things and start anew? But, i need to let it out. I HAVE TO.

Please. Please. Please. Just once. Make me happy.